--Tragedy has struck at the Compound:my CD player stopped working!Yes,
the unthinkable has occurred.I
was so cocky, for so long…I
went around believing, "Oh, it'll never happen to me."I thought my equipment was strong, and invincible.And now look where I'm at.So very, very sad…
In my subterranean office, aka the Surf Report Bunker, I have a JVC
shelf stereo, which has served me well for six or seven years.Before it I had a series of Sonys which sucked the proverbial
ass.They skipped, sounded
terrible, etc.Somewhere along
the way I'd picked up the notion Sony is best, and it took me a while
to understand it might all be a myth.
In any case, my beloved JVC made a strange noise on Saturday, and now
it won't perform its duties.I
think the sound was its soul ascending to heaven.I hate to see it go, we've been through so much together, but
I've got to be strong.
And Toney…She just shook her
head and said, "Oh, that's too bad," as if it's just another
minor annoyance.Like the
battery in my cell phone died, or I'd assploded yet another pair of
jeans.This is my CD player!The instrument with which I fill the gaping void…A little compassion, I believe, is in order.
I don't know what to do.We
have a boombox type of thing we bought the oldest Secret, which he
doesn't use anymore.It has an
iPod docking station built into it, and he now has a Zune.But it seems kinda rinky-dink, and not rugged enough for the
workout I'd give it.
I think I need to buy a new stereo.I
don't want to spend the money, I'm no longer riding the
"entertainment industry" gravy train, but I believe that's
what is required.I play music
almost literally every moment I'm awake and home.I can't be half-steppin'.
Any suggestions on an especially heavy-duty model, up to the Surf
Report challenge?I'd be much
obliged.And don't tell me to
just use my computer, or something like that…I'm an old man, set in his ways.I need a stereo, dammit.
--And speaking of
malfunctioning electronics, I couldn't get my iPod to turn off
yesterday.I pressed down (mashed
to those of you in Georgia and South Carolina) on the play/pause button, as
normal, but it didn't care; the thing just kept going.
I did a Google search for something like, "Sweet sainted mother
of Hogjaw Twaddle, my iPod won't turn off!" and got an avalanche
of information.Apparently it's
a common problem.
All you have to do, I learned, is push down on MENU and the middle
button at the same time.It'll
shut down and reset itself, and then everything will work as normal.
But what the hell, man?How's a
person supposed to know this?And
why does he need to know it?Why
does an iPod, which is supposed to be superior technology, made by the
godlike Apple Inc., refuse to turn off, and whatnot?
The whole thing just makes my colon ache.
--Wanna hear something
hilarious?I’ve been chosen
to be a chaperone on a sixth grade field trip in June, to the Bronx
Zoo.Toney put my name in the
hat, after I grunted something without really listening, and now
I’ve been selected to go.
Apparently I’ll be put in charge of a half-dozen or so 12 year olds,
and will need to make sure none of them go over a railing and fall
into the gator pond, or whatever.Man,
I can barely take care of myself…
Toney said, “Remember, you’re going to have to be the
adult in this situation…”
It’s not a role I’m accustomed to playing, and I don’t have a
good feeling about any of it.For
some reason I’ve got scenes from the Billy Bob Thornton version of
the Bad News Bears
playing in my head.
I’ll probably end up on CNN, with tears streaming down my face.
-- And what's the story with a field trip to the Bronx Zoo,
anyway? All we got to do was take a bus to the Municipal Auditorium,
and sleep through a symphony. Or go to Sunrise museum and look at
fleas wearing clothes through a microscope. Did you take any field
trips that were actually, you know, good? Let's hear about 'em.
--On Saturday we went to
Coldstone’s, or Cold Stone, or whatever they call that overpriced
ice cream parlor for the easily fooled…I’d visited one before, in New York City, and made a vow never to return.And so it goes.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the joint, they take a scoop of ice
cream and plop it onto a frozen slab of marble (the cold stone), and
mix in your choice of about a thousand different “mix-ins.”
In addition to the standard crushed-up candy bars, gummy bears,
sprinkles, and so forth, I think they also have stuff like shredded
cheddar, taco meat, thousand island dressing, and green onions.But, you know, I don’t consider myself to be an expert.
I went with something called “sweet cream,” because it looked like
homemade ice cream.And I told
the zitster to kneed in a little Kit-Kat, dammit.
And it was NOTHING like homemade ice cream.It tasted like sugar paste.Blecch.And I’ve picked more Kit-Kat out of my back teeth than was in
that entire cup.
Wotta rip-off.There’s a
little ice cream place a couple of blocks from our house, run by a
local dairy, that’s roughly 4000% better than Cold Stone, and at
half the price.
Once again: never again.
--I promised to tell you guys
about my childhood carnival experiences, and will do that tomorrow.I promise.
In the meantime, I’d like to thank Citizen X, aka Tangerine, aka
Barbra, for Digging our
Every Thursday a Theme! page.So, thanks!And if any
of you want to Digg it as well, nobody’s stopping you.I appreciate the support.
--The Suggestaholic has a new
suggestion, and you can read about it here.
--And Brad sent me this pic on
Saturday, taken at a Rangers vs. Twins game earlier in the day.It can be titled “Lower Front Pain,” or “A Rangers Fan
Takes One Off The Twins,” or whatever else you want to call it.
If you have any suggestions, or comments about any of this Monday
mess, use the comments link below.
